The Hero's Journey

CAST:
WRITER
GANDALF
THALIA
POTTER
 
FADE IN:
 
EXT. HOLLYWOOD - DAY
 
WRITER, animated and cheerful, dances, holding his SCRIPT above his head. GANDALF, wearing a long grey robe and a conical hat stays near the imaginary gates with his staff. There are also a TABLE and TWO CHAIRS on the stage.
 
WRITER
I have it done. This is my script.
It’s gold. Great future I predict,
The end of poverty, the end of
solitude.
My script will rock the Hollywood!
 
GANDALF
I guard the doors of Hollywood.
What do thy carry?
 
WRITER
Don’t be rude. I have a precious
Work of Art.
 
GANDALF
You cannot pass. I am the guard.
 
WRITER
I recognize your hat and staff.
I liked your movies, old Gandalf.
Please, let me carry on my way,
The world will favour my sceenplay.
 
GANDALF
These days, you losers, come in
bulk. You shall not pass. Your
script is junk.
 
Writer backs of, he’s shocked and upset by his failure.
 
WRITER
I can’t believe my dream is
shattered. I was not ready for the
battle.
 
Writer walks to the table and sits on a chair, contemplating. THALIA, a charming waitress, comes to the table and puts a mug of beer in front of the writer.
 
WRITER (CONT’D)
I feel as if my heart has shrunk.
Oh, cruel world! I will get drunk.
 
THALIA
Why have you got such a long face?
I’ve never seen you at this place.
 
WRITER
I put my soul in this script.
It’s full of action, love and wit.
And now I can’t pass the gate.
I was offended by Gandalf.
 
THALIA
(sits on the empty chair)
It’s hard to make a livelihood
Since Potter bought the Hollywood.
He’s a big shot, a Megastar.
You’ll recognize his lightning
scar.
 
POTTER comes to the stage and dances with his broomstick. He wears a sinister smile and a pair of glasses.
 
POTTER
When I look in the mirror
I see such a handsome boy,
Who’s goddamned billionaire!
What a wonderful life! What a joy!
 
THALIA
You better show him your script
And chance is that he may like it.
 
POTTER
I am the best - this is my motto.
Oh, I will shine in “Psychopotter”!
If this is a kingdom, I’m its tsar.
If this is a movie, I’m a star!
And I am a handsome boy!
My long curly cock attract women in
flock.
What a wonderful life! What a joy!
 
WRITER
He seems to be a jolly man.
 
THALIA
He is the lead in “Potterpan”.
I heard his mother was a witch.
 
Writer rises, looks apologetically at Thalia.
 
WRITER
I need to pee-tch.
 
Writer takes his script and approaches dancing Potter.
 
WRITER (CONT’D)
I’ve written a script.
 
POTTER
And I don’t read.
 
WRITER
May be, I can read to you.
 
POTTER
Trouble finds me. No, thank you.
(beat)
We are booked for years ahead.
You could have checked on Internet.
There’s an impressive waiting list
with “SuperPotter in the Mist”, and
“Potter in the Land of Fairies”,
and “Some Like It Hot and Hairy”.
 
WRITER
I thought, you’d like some fresh
ideas.
That potter-stuff has been for
years.
 
POTTER
(getting mad)
Give it to me!
 
WRITER
You won’t regret.
 
POTTER
Would you believe? He disrespects
all what I do! My stuff is old?
Oh, that’s not true!
Your pile of crap is not a script.
 
Potter tears the script, throws it on the floor and steps on it.
 
POTTER (CONT’D)
I will be glad to spit on it.
You aren't a writer. You’re
compOst.
 
Writer grabs his head in pain.
 
WRITER
All is lost! All is lost!
 
Potter dances with his broomstick.
 
POTTER
When I look in the mirror
I see such a handsome boy,
Who’s a goddamned billionaire.
What a wonderful life! What a joy!
 
Potter gestures Thalia to come and dance with him.
 
POTTER (CONT’D)
Thalia!
 
Thalia obeys and joins Potter in dance.
 
WRITER
This must be a mistake. A girl like
you!
Oh, tell me for God’s sake,
You’re not with him, are you?
 
THALIA
My heart is weak.
 
POTTER
(takes her hand)
She’ll lick my dick.
 
THALIA
Every now and then
I make poor choices in men.
My life feels like a mess--
 
WRITER
You are the damsel in distress!
If only you could be my muse,
I wouldn’t let you be abused.
 
Thalia gently releases her hand from Potter and dances close to Writer.
 
THALIA
I think, I now have a plot.
I’ll tell you what’s his weakest
spot. It’s in the broom he keeps
his soul. You break the broom,
And that’ll be all!
 
Thalia flirts with Potter, making him leave the broom and chase her. Writer seizes the broom.
 
POTTER
It’s fun to be the chosen one!
 
Writer breaks the broomstick.
 
THALIA
I wish like that he breaks your
skull.
 
Potter collapses on the floor.
 
POTTER
Oh evil vamp! Oh femme fatal!
 
Potter dies theatrically. Writer and Thalia join their hands.
 
THALIA AND WRITER
From now on we’ll take the floor!
Nothing is forbidden anymore.
 
Writer and Thalia are standing at the imaginary altar. Gandalf puts a wedding veil on Thalia and stays to perform the ceremony.
 
GANDALF
It’s time for cinema to be revived.
And I proclaim you man and wife.
 
WRITER
I’ll kiss the bride.
 
GANDALF
I’ll kiss the bride.
 
MORE MEN come from the backstage and the audience. Gandalf tries to protect Thalia with his staff. Thalia looks lost and flattered, surrounded by so many suitors.
 
MEN
We kiss the bride.
 
Writer is anxious to get to Thalia, he can’t pass Gandalf.
 
WRITER
Old man, at once remove your stick!
 
MEN
We kiss the bride.
 
THALIA
My heart is weak.
 
All actors form a line as in cabaret dance and bow to the audience.
 
FADE OUT.

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